在孩子小的时候,许多父母会通过讲故事、唱摇篮曲来哄孩子入睡,可等孩子长大了,父母与孩子的沟通却变得越来越少了。
缺少沟通的生活是枯萎的生活,父母与子女的沟通是情感的需要也是成长的需要。
沟通真的变得困难了吗
RUGUOZAIHAIZIRUSHUIQIANWOMENNENGYIQIZUOXIALAIQINGLIYITIANDE“LAJI”,BURANGYOUCHOUGUOYE,ZHEISHIBUSHIYIZHONGJIJIDESHENGHUOTAIDUNI?JIDEYOUYIWEIJIAOYUJIASHUOGUO:“FUMUJIAOYUHAIZIDEZUIJIBENDEXINGSHI,JIUSHIYUHAIZITANHUA。WOSHENXINSHIJIESHANGHAODEJIAOYU,SHIZAIHEFUMUDETANHUAZHONGBUZHIBUJUEDIHUODEDE。”RUHEZUOYOUXIAODEGOUTONG,SHIWOMENXUYAOXUEXIYUTANTAODE。
·沟通的技巧
CHANGTINGBUSHAOFUMUBAOYUAN:XIANZAIDEHAIZIZHENSHIHENBUXIANGHUA,HAOHAODITONGTAJIANGDAOLI,TAQUEBUYIWEIRAN,DAOLIBINIHAIDUO,YOUSHIHAIBAWOMENFUMUDEHUAKANCHENGSHIMEIYOUYIYIDELAOTAO,ZONGZHIYIGEZI——FAN!FUMUWEIHAIZIFAN,HAIZIXIANFUMUFAN。ZHEIYANG,FUMUHEHAIZINENGZUOXIALAIJIAOLIUCAIGUAI!
DANWENTICHUZAINALI?ZHEISHIWENTIHAIZIDEWENTI,HAISHIFUMUDEWENTI,HAISHIGOUTONGFANGFADEWENTI?
YEXUHAIZIBUSHIYIDIANWENTIMEIYOU,DANGENGDUODEWENTIKENENGCHUZAIFUMUSHENSHANG。FUMUNEIXINDEDANYOUYUQIDEJICU,SHITANHUABIANDEBUJIANGJIUFANGFAHEXIAOGUOERZHIYOUQINGXUDEXUANXIE,RUCI,BIANRONGYISHITINGZHECHANSHENGPAICHI、NIFANXINLI,GOUTONGBEIPOSHOUZU。
ZUNZHONGHEXINRENSHIGOUTONGDEQIANTI,JIAOLIUZHINENGZAIZHEIYIJICHUSHANGJINXINGHEWANCHENG。ZHEIYIJICHUYIWEIZHEGOUTONGSHUANGFANGSHIPINGDENGDE,DAIBIAOZHEBICISHIKEYIXIANGHUJIENADE。
1、XUEHUIQINGTING,QIEYUNXUHAIZIFAPIQI。
XUEHUIQINGTING,ZHEISHIGOUTONGDEDIYIBU。JIARUHAIZIZHENGWEIMOUSHIZAIQITOUSHANGYAOYUNXUTAFAPIQI。FUMUBUFANGXIANZUOHAO,ANJINGDIDENGDAIHAIZI,ANJINGDIKANZHEHAIZI,BUQUDADUANTADEHUA,QUANSHENGUANZHUDIQINGTING,BUZUOGUYOUPAN,TINGXIASHOUBIANDEGONGZUO,ZHEIDENGYUGAOSUHAIZI:NISHIBEIWOMENZAIYIDE,WOMENZAIRENZHENDITINGZAIZHUYINISUOSHUODEGANJUEHUOWENTI。
2、ZHENCHENGDIZUOCHUFANYING,BIAODAFUMUDEZHENSHIGANSHOU。
真诚地作出反应,而不是敷衍,真实地表达父母的感受,而非得只有训导。
孩子往往是非常敏感的,父母在与孩子的交流中语调暗含着一种态度,它同谈话的内容同样重要,从接受者的角度看甚至还比内容更重要。想一想我们是用怎样的语调来同自己的朋友交谈的,我们对孩子又是怎样说话的,是否居高临下了,生气时是否对孩子叫喊了,渐渐地那叫喊的音量是否变成了你说话时的“正常声音”了?另外“身体语言”不可忽视,据美国人类学家得出的结论是:在所有的影响力中,语言占7%,音调占23%,表情及肢体动作各占35%,可见其作为沟通工具的作用。
3、XUANZEQIADANGDETANHUASHIJI,YOUCHONGTUSHIYEYAOBIMIANSHANGHAIHAIZIDEZIZUN。
YITIANZHONGSHENMESHIJISHISHIHETANHUADENI?SHENGLIGUILVGAOSUWOMEN,XIAWU5DIAN-7DIANSHISHENGLIHUODONGZUIDIDIAN,POQIEXUYAOBUCHONGYINGYANG,HUIFUTILI。SUOYI,HAIZIFANGXUEHUIJIAGANGFANGXIASHUBAOSHISHIBUYITANYANSUDEHUATIDE,YINWEIYITIANXIALAIDEPILAOSHIRENNANYIJIZHONGZHUYILI,YEBUHAOKONGZHIZIJIDEQINGXU。WANFANGUOHOU,XINQINGZHUJIANKAILANG,ZHEISHIBIJIAOHAODESHIJI,ZHAODAOHAIZIDEXINGFENDIAN,FUMUBIANKERUNWUXIWUSHENGDIZHUANDAQIGUANDIANLE。CHONGTUYEXUZAISUONANMIAN,YUANZESHIBIMIANSHANGHAIHAIZIDEZIZUN。PIPINGBUSHIGONGJI,,PIPINGZHIDUISHIBUDUIREN,YONGJIANSHEXINGDEYIJIANDAITIPIPING,JIANGPIPINGZHUANHUAWEIXIWANG,ZHEICAISHIPIPINGDEZUIZHONGJIAZHIZHISUOZAI。
4、GONGTONGXUNZHAOJIEJUEWENTIDETUJING。
DANGHAIZIYUDAOWENTISHISHIXUYAOFUMUBANGZHUDE,FUMUJICHUDEZHIDAOYAOYUEJUTIYUEHAO,JIEJUEWENTIDETUJINGZUIHAOHEHAIZIYIQITAOLUNQUEDING,ZAITAOLUNDEGUOCHENGZHONGYOUXIEXIZHIMOJIEDEXIAOWENTIXINGXUJIUHUAJIEDIAOLE。TONGGUOTAOLUNFANGXIANGHUIGENGMINGQUE,WENTIBENSHENYEHUIXIANDEQINGXI、MINGLANG,ZHEIDOUYOUZHUYUWENTIDEZHENZHENGJIEJUE。
·沟通的形式需要多样化
这里介绍几种简单的、可操作的沟通形式:
1、DINGQIJIATINGHUIYI
JIATINGHUIYIJIKEYISHIYANSUDE,YEKEYISHIYOUXISHIDE,TABINGBUJUNIYUXINGSHIHENEIRONG,ZHIYAOSHIJIATINGNEIDESHIWULUNDAXIAO,DOUKEYITONGGUO“HUIYI”ZHEIYIQUDAOLAIGOUTONGLAIJUEDING。GUANJIANSHIYAOQUANTICANYU,RENRENFABIAOYIJIAN,YINERTASHIPINGDENGDE。WEISHENMEYAODINGQINI?DINGQI,RONGYIJIANJIANCHENGWEIJIATINGCHENGYUANGONGYOUDEXIGUAN,CHENGWEIJIATING“GUANLI”。
2、YOUYIBENZHUANMENDEDUIHUABEN
ZHEISHIYIZHONGZHISHANGDEDUIHUA,ZHIZAIJIAOHUANYIJIANHEGANSHOU。YONG“LIUYAN”DEXINGSHIYINGGAIDUINIANLINGSHAODADIANDEHAIZISHIJIAOWEIHESHIDE,KEYIJIESHOUDE。DUIHANXUDEZHONGGUOFUMULAISHUO,BUYIKOUTOUTANTAODEZHURUQINGCHUNQIDESHENGLIBAOJIANDENGDENG,YONGWENZISHUOMINGGENGFANGBIANXIE。ZHISUOYIYAOYONGZHUANMENDEBENZI,SHIWEILEPINGSHIKEYI“HUIGU”,JIANGLAIKEYI“HUIWEI”。
3、SHUXINJIAOLIU
XIANZAIHAIYOUDUOSHAORENHUIYONGSHUXINJIAOLIU?SHUXINJIAOLIUDEYIDAHAOCHUSHIBIMIANLEMIANDUIMIANJIAOLIUDEYALI,GENGNENGGOUBAWOFENCUN,GENGLIXING。YONGSHUXINJIAOLIUYIBANKEYIZUODAOXINPINGQIHE,SILUQINGXI,TIAOLIWANZHENG,ZAISHUXIEZHONG,SIXIANGBEICHUDONGYEJIANGCHUDONGDUIFANG,XINLINGBEIJINGHUAYEJIANGJINGHUADUIFANG——ZHEISHIDUOMEDADECAIFUA!
4、DUIYISHIBUNENGDACHENGGONGSHIDEWENTI,XIANYIWEIXIAOJIANGQIBAOLIU
国外的教育学家、心理学家经过认真研究,提出“微笑协商解决冲突”的方法:
第一步 分析确定冲突是什么;
第二步 分析判断冲突的实质是什么;
第三步 找出解决这一冲突的各种办法;
第四步 分析冲突一方不能接受的解决方法;
第五步 找出冲突双方都能接受的解决方法;
第六步 实践并检验调整双方能接受的解决方法。
最后,让沟通成为我们生活重要的一部分。通过沟通我们将生活的“垃圾”扔掉,将心灵的“垃圾”扔掉,通过沟通我们一同带着爱带着祝福带着希望进入梦乡,并以平静的喜悦去迎接明天……
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